Yeah, that’s right. Give me a break! No, not YOU per se, but as a community – a society, we try so hard to hold it all together. Sometimes we call it “keeping the balls up in the air.” That’s hard, especially when we are simultaneously comparing ourselves to younger, glossier, smarter people than we could ever claim to be (our inner critics make sure of that). Being less than perfect disqualifies us from claiming the compassion and connection we need from ourselves and others, right? Alone and unkind, we lose our footing, the balls fall, and they break. If we’re not above reproach, what are we? Are we broken, too?
Trying to appear perfect is impossible to achieve, unrelatable, and… overrated! Kristin Neff, the “guru” of self-compassion, helps us understand that the “common humanity” in our emotions and experiences connects us to one another and helps us accept ourselves. Trying to appear like a perfect 2-dimensional character, when we are colorful, complex, 3-D works in progress, comes across as inauthentic and exhausting. Not to mention how rotten it feels…
When we are our real selves, showing our cracks and putting pieces gently back together can be healing. The Japanese art of Kintsugi (article attached) means to take “broken” objects and accentuate their beauty by bonding the cracks with gold. How brilliant! So, Kintsugi fortifies the veneer – it allows us to repair the balls we (inevitably) will drop. But what about us? That is when self-compassion and connection offer the glue – the gold. I think – as a result – we, like the glass, can shine even brighter.