Is your inner voice really even…you?
We’re not born hating ourselves. We don’t start out as kids feeling unworthy, or incapable. In fact, as kids, we feel pretty certain that while wearing our superhero capes from last October’s Halloween party, we can jump off of high things and fly. We dream big and have no qualms about saying we want to be astronauts or movie stars when we grow up. So, what on earth happens that hijacks our confidence, and our sense of value?
We learn about the world, the people in it, and ourselves, through messaging. How we feel about who we are is yes, developed in part by our experiences, preferences, and personality, but just as much by receiving and interpreting opinions and feedback we get from others - whether directly or not. Our peers, family, society, or even our places of worship inform our sense of self and well-being.
These voices sometimes tell us we have limitations, that we shouldn’t dream “too” big and risk disappointment or failure, and that in many areas, we’re just not good enough. I’m not saying that going through life feeling invincible or perfect is the answer – simply that this chorus of voices from outside of us record tapes that we then replay over and over without even noticing, so many times in our heads, that they start to sound like our own. So many times, in fact, that we assume they must be speaking the truth.
Often our inner voice is the same as our inner critic, which is sad when you think about it. It’s full of judgment, questioning, and discouragement. So, we need to start by acknowledging that these messages that are playing - and that we are repeating - did not come from within. We must challenge the distorted belief that we can’t trust our own voice and should instead defer to what we’ve heard outside of us, often by sources who never even really knew us. Practicing curiosity and using genuine interest to learn who we are and what we are capable of can feel like a tricky, arduous process, as the old voices are so loud and ingrained. The limitations and fear feel so real. Doing it though may just give us a newfound sense of hope, authenticity, and courage we didn’t realize we had.