What IS “Imposter Syndrome?”
Imposter syndrome can be described as a painful, subjective, psychological experience of viewing oneself as a fraud. This experience of self-doubt usually occurs despite clear successes and accomplishments – usually in the world of work.
If you find yourself using negative self-talk routinely (your critical inner voice), fear being found out as someone who doesn’t belong, and experience stress, anxiety, burnout, fatigue, or even depression as a result, imposter syndrome may be present. Additionally, if you tend toward perfectionism and frequent social comparison in your everyday life, imposter syndrome may emerge.
Imposter syndrome is not a diagnosable mental health disorder per se, but it is an all-too-common phenomenon which can be emotionally troubling and can lead to more serious mental health conditions.
The term “imposter syndrome” has become fairly common in recent years. You may have even used it yourself. Simply, at its onset, the term was used when women began to take up more space in the workplace and encountered systems that created a “less than” experience by not providing the support, acknowledgement, or pathways forward that were provided to men. Women sometimes felt (still feel!) less capable and internalized their lack of progress as a personal failing. Many systems allowed or even promoted the idea that women themselves were responsible for their lack of status and accomplishments, perpetuating feelings of shame, and further paralyzing confidence.
(I recommend the popular article “Stop Telling Women They Have Imposter Syndrome” in the Harvard Business Review by Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey for more on the history.)
Now, the term imposter syndrome has become an accepted way for anyone to express feeling like a phony, who doesn’t belong in a role alongside their peers. Note that when we use the word “syndrome” to describe our experience, we are then describing a pattern…it’s more formal. Now our insecurities aren’t just real, they are consistent. Yikes! Add to that -- the word syndrome is used to characterize an abnormality by grouping signs and symptoms. Double yikes! Now, the very human and automatic process of naming an experience to make sense out of it has created a grave new reality: we’re abnormal and fully convinced we are broken.
So, here it is: I’m convinced I am not good enough and don’t belong. In my role, my very sense of identity is fragile and temporary – merely moments or comments away from folding like a house of cards. The options aren’t good. Fearing exposure, I may, in an endeavor to reduce the discomfort of isolation and judgment once exposed, “other” myself by dropping out or stepping aside. Staying put can feel too risky -- if I tolerate the risk, emotional distress can take hold.
Welcome, imposter syndrome.
When we compare our lives to the highlight reels and glossy images we see of others’ lives, we are doomed. Clearly, we are not as happy, wealthy, successful, right? We can call this “comparing our insides to other people’s outsides,” and it hurts. Comparing is the opposite of embracing our uniqueness and authenticity. When we do this, even our wins don’t diminish the imposter experience. We may discount the positive, “They’re just being nice,” or “I got lucky this time.” We may disqualify ourselves with negative comparisons, “Someone else could have done it better,” or even use faulty fortune-telling, “I got through this - now I’ll be given something even harder to do and then I’ll fail and be exposed and lose it all.” As the stakes get higher, the anxiety and negative self-talk get worse. Cognitive distortions - the lies we tell ourselves - run rampant when we’re in fear. Is there a way out?
Yes.
OK, worst case: Sometimes it is true that we work among those who don’t support us, or we need more work or guidance to master the tasks at hand. Those truths don’t make us frauds though, and telling ourselves that they do is way more painful than the situation itself. In actuality, it may mean we need to assess our team/environment/boss for fit and advocate for ourselves. Maybe we need to seek support or counsel from trustworthy mentors and peers. Maybe we need to acquire more skills, expand our knowledge base, or practice boundary setting…
Or, maybe, we simply need to be kinder to ourselves. Self-compassion, as explained in Kristin Neff’s work, requires unconditional kindness and self-affirmation – the kind that isn’t initiated by or based on measurable accomplishments. It takes a bit to get the hang of only treating ourselves the way we’d treat a close friend, but it does come with practice. Then, the element of common humanity in self-compassion allows us to acknowledge that pain and fear of isolation are universal. The concept encourages us to express hurt and fear with trusted connections who can reality test our theories and share experiences of their own. Am I as incompetent as I feel? Am I enough? Do I belong? Do you get what I’m going through? Genuine, vulnerable self-disclosure allows us to meet in a place of understanding and empathy…
Maybe – probably – we are already there, we do belong, and we can do it. There is no imposter in sight.
So, I implore us all to embrace ourselves and stay in compassion when we’re feeling self-doubt and fear. In my view, courage is not the absence of fear, it means showing up and doing it anyway.
--Jessica
For more discussion and information about how imposter syndrome may be impacting you, please reach out: www.wisergroundllc.com.